Ever taken a good, hard look at your Instagram or TikTok feed and thought, Wow, this is who I am now? No? Just me? Cool.
Here’s the thing — you may think you’re just scrolling mindlessly, but your feed? It’s a full-blown personality test. A mood board of your obsessions, anxieties, and aspirations (some of which you won’t admit even under oath). And let’s be honest — everyone’s feed is a little… specific.
So what does YOUR feed say about you? Let’s decode it.
If It’s All Food…
You’re either starving, a secret chef, or just like watching cheese melt in slow motion. You say you’re “saving it for later” but you haven’t cooked a single thing since 2022. You may also whisper “that’s sexy” when a lasagna gets pulled from the oven.
Diagnosis: Emotionally stable, but always a snack away from total chaos.
If It’s All Celebs…
You know who Taylor is dating, who just unfollowed who, and what Hailey wore to brunch yesterday. Your screen time is 97% celebrity gossip, and honestly, we thank you for your service.
Diagnosis: You probably send your friends TMZ headlines like they’re breaking news.
If It’s Homes and Interiors…
Your house is either already perfect or you’re one succulent away from throwing out everything and moving to a Tuscan villa (mentally). You use words like “organic modern” and get high off the scent of fresh paint samples.
Diagnosis: Chronically on Zillow. You rearrange furniture for fun.
If It’s Football, Golf, or Steaks…
You’re either a dude or you’re dating one. Your algorithm thinks you’re a 45-year-old dad in a Big Green Egg Facebook group. It’s giving meat and masculinity.
Diagnosis: Knows more about grill temperatures than your own blood pressure.
If It’s Puppies and Baby Goats…
You’re emotionally overwhelmed and this is your therapy. Nothing fixes a rough day like a golden retriever in a onesie.
Diagnosis: Soft. Sweet. Would die for a dog you’ve never met.
If It’s Hot Girls in Activewear Doing Pilates…
You haven’t worked out in three weeks, but you own matching sets and you could. You believe in manifesting abs. You scroll like it’s cardio.
Diagnosis: You sweat… stylishly. May or may not own a reformer machine that doubles as a coat rack.
If It’s All Conspiracy Theories and Niche Documentaries…
You know the Titanic never sank and Avril Lavigne has a body double. You’re deep into TikTok rabbit holes and nobody can stop you.
Diagnosis: You’ve been shadowbanned twice and think your Roomba is listening to you.
If It’s Mostly Self-Help and Quotes About Boundaries…
Your toxic ex ruined your algorithm, and now Instagram is trying to rebuild your life one “You are enough” quote at a time.
Diagnosis: On a healing journey. Still occasionally stalking said ex.
If It’s Fashion and Sales…
You know where everything is on sale before the brand does. You live for a dupe. You own three of the same handbag, but “they’re all slightly different.”
Diagnosis: Retail therapy is your religion. The UPS driver knows you by name.
If It’s Just Memes…
You’re hilarious, emotionally unavailable, and probably use memes to avoid your feelings. You send 4 reels in a row and then follow it up with “lol.”
Diagnosis: Needs a hug. Will reject it with a sarcastic comment.
Final Thoughts:
Whatever your feed looks like — curated chaos, cozy vibes, steak-forward masculinity, or cottagecore chic — just remember: your algorithm knows too much. But so do we.
So next time you scroll, ask yourself: Is this who I want to be? Or just who I followed after one glass of rosé?
Either way… embrace it. Your feed is your fingerprint. Weird, wonderful, and 100% you.
Want to share your feed’s guilty pleasures? DM me @stacyknows or drop them in the comments. Unless yours is just spreadsheets and insurance tips. Then maybe… keep that one to yourself.
