Dani Alpert’s book Hello? Who Is This? Margaret? had me at ‘Hello

Dani Alpert is no stranger to putting her life on the page. After her memoir The Girlfriend Mom made waves for its sharp, honest, and laugh-out-loud storytelling, she’s back—this time with essays. I sat down with Dani to talk about why she chose the form, what makes her laugh, and why sometimes the best stories come from the messiest moments.

Why essays instead of another memoir?

“I didn’t have the capacity or stamina to write another memoir,” Dani admits. “At one point, I thought I’d write a follow-up—The Ex-Girlfriend Mom—because so much had happened since. But I wanted to try something new. With the state of the world and our short attention spans, essays felt right.”

On childhood dreams

Unlike most kids with a list of ambitions, Dani had just one: fame. “Celebrity, stardom, whatever you want to call it—it was all the same. I certainly hope I’ve outgrown that,” she says with a laugh. “It took a while to kill those dreams off. They didn’t go down without a fight. Many internal press conferences were scheduled, and a lot of heated arguments with my child self. She can be a real bitch.”

Finding resilience when life feels impossible

Dani’s trademark optimism doesn’t come from a serene place of Zen—it comes from sheer stubbornness. “Accepting defeat, even when it’s appropriate, is nearly impossible. I’m pigheaded. I also have this inexplicable confidence, often based on nothing but my gut, and it gnaws at me. That’s what keeps me going.”

Humor as survival

In Dani’s world, laughter is oxygen. “Humor was my family’s love language. Depression, sadness, even death—we found the funny in all of it. It’s my safety net, my go-to. It’s the only way I know how to cope with life and its absurdities.”

Her comedy influences

Dani’s list of comedy icons reads like a master class in funny: Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Gilda Radner, Mel Brooks, Don Rickles, Joan Rivers, David Letterman. “They were wacky, smart, fearless. They weren’t afraid to look physically unappealing, which meant a lot to me because I was insecure about my looks growing up. It made me think, oh, I could do that.”

Reinvention—or just being a “tryer”

“I don’t consciously reinvent myself. I get an idea, I try it, and if it doesn’t work, I move on. I think we all have many ‘selves.’ Sometimes one takes center stage, sometimes another waits in the wings.”

How messy is too messy?

From stolen glass dildos to embarrassing moments, Dani doesn’t hold back if it makes her laugh. “If I found it funny, it went in—no matter how vulnerable. Honestly, I feel more exposed posting an Instagram story of my face than I do writing about intimacy in my books. But I don’t have a need to share everything. Some things stay private. My motivation is always to make people laugh and feel less alone—not because I MUST tell a story. I’m not that deep.”

Balancing all her roles

Writer, actor, comedian, teacher, advocate—Dani has worn many hats, but she sees them all as connected. “Teaching Pilates gives me a room full of people I can boss around—and if they’re lucky, I throw in some comedy. Writing fulfills my need for solitude. And my work in the Down syndrome community is the most meaningful. It gives me purpose and balance.”

Gen X pride

As a card-carrying Gen Xer, Dani credits her generation with shaping her grit. “We had great TV, movies, the birth of MTV, disco! But also, we had to be self-sufficient. Our parents weren’t helicoptering. We went to libraries and learned the Dewey decimal system. We worked hard, we climbed ladders. We couldn’t just hit a button and be on TV. That built character.”

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You can find more of Dani at danialpert.com or on Instagram at @dani_alpert.